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If I have to ask you, I don't want it anymore!

If I have to ask you, I don't want it anymore!

If I have to ask you, I don't want it anymore!

If I have to ask you, I don't want it anymore! "It is a famous phrase that circulates on the internet, contained in a letter from Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera, and that I also often hear on the lips of some of my patients. It is a very "Feminine." Typical of women who want their partner (usually a man) to know in advance and in detail all their desires, all their needs, and please them "properly." This denotes a high level of self-centeredness and arrogance.

For these women, in the couple relationship it is not necessary to express anything, to communicate anything to the other. Any desire or need is understood, and any delay or error in its fulfillment by man is interpreted immediately, without listening to the other's motives, such as lack of "interest", "detail" or "love". What follows, almost always, is an endless chain of reproaches. Over time, the resentment of these women increases and manifests itself again and again at the slightest touch. The usual justifications, in addition to the one titled in this post, are of the type:

That he would already have to knowThose things need not be saidI just need itIt is he who has to understand meetc.

But if I ask them what they know about their partner's needs, or what they give him, etc., then they respond with a certain unconscious disdain:

He would like that ...It overwhelms me to complain about ...I don't have to do ...I chose him to take care of meetc.

It is clear, then, that these women only want to be gratified but generally with minimal effort and in exchange for very little. They are not interested in knowing the reasons, needs or limitations of man, nor do they know how to express and share their own feelings and desires. They prefer to be ... guessed.

Women who do this are often girl-women, narcissists, with a magical ("romantic") and omnipotent vision of love. They believe that this consists only in being loved and not also in loving their partner. Their basic priority is to be satisfied. For this reason they tend to mate with men who are fundamentally weak, submissive, complacent, or with a "savior" profile, who strive to please women in the hope of being loved, or for fear of conflict or abandonment. Naturally, some of these women may end up becoming true domestic tyrants.

In a mature relationship, both parties know how to dialogue, listen, give, ask, share, help each other. Things are not presupposed, but expressed. They may sometimes love and sometimes hate each other, but neither party enjoys "privileges" or is "superior" or "director" of the other. There is no place for princes or queens. They are two people who can sometimes be strong, sometimes vulnerable, but mutual respect, equal treatment, friendship always prevail in them. The joy of having met and of being, despite the difficulties, life partners.

The claim that our partner is our private "fortune teller" is dominance. A delirium of pride and heartbreak that only denotes on the part of the sufferer some deep emotional damage that prevents him from bonding healthily, not only with his partner, but also with his children and people in general. So instead of spreading "female" slogans born from broken hearts on the internet, I think it would be better to share much more loving and humane ideas. Like the one that closes this article:

If I need it, I ask you.If you want and you can, you give it to me.