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Sex and heart

Sex and heart

Sex is part of our personality. "Tell me what you are like and I will tell you what your sex life is like." And on the contrary. It is not, as many tell us, a mere pleasure, or a simple catalog of games, postures, frequencies or even more or less fun fads that we all "should" try ... Sex is, above all, a form of expression. And it is a pity that so many people do not know it or prefer to forget it.

Beneath any sexual activity there is always the need for love. The need for contact, bonding, affection (except pathological narcissisms, which use sex as a tool for power, aggression, etc.). Therefore, any difficulty in these aspects will immediately affect our sex life, either by default or by excess. Sometimes limiting ourselves, withdrawing, even renouncing sexual activity; or sometimes pushing us superficially, compulsively to it. In this sense, the influence of fashions and commercial eroticism favors that sex is for many only a mere collection of more or less rigid, ephemeral, and almost obligatory physical acts. Deep down, an unfortunate substitute, an empty defense against love. Against the inability to trust, love and feel loved by millions of people.

So many people believe, rather fantasize, that with a "good sex life" their problems would be fixed, they would be happier. But it is exactly the opposite: only by being happier can we have better sex lives. And in this there is no difference between men and women. Only when we reasonably overcome our neuroses (repressions, fears, hostilities, etc.) and also free ourselves from the terrible prejudices against the sexual pleasure of our civilization, we want to play sexually, surrender to shared pleasure, love ourselves through the body.

And it is that all our desires, fantasies and sexual preferences express the state of our heart. They are a precise map of our shortcomings, conflicts, traumas, fixations ... When we kiss or practice oral sex we relive our distant breastfeeding ties with our mother. When we caress or allow ourselves to be caressed we are repeating the way she caressed us or not. When we penetrate (men) or want to be penetrated (women) we are expressing our desire to "return" for a moment to the breast of mom (or to be flooded by her) ... Once again, we can see how the influence of good The bad mother is so immense that it also conditions our sexuality.

For all this there is no point in obsessing over "sex". In a way we could say that sex is "nothing". It is only one of the infinite consequences of our good or bad childhood. And so, too, it is important to understand that if we heal the heart, we heal our sex lives at the same time. But if we remain neurotic, any sexual activity will be nothing more than a disappointing farce that can never satisfy us emotionally and / or physically.