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The complaint: relief or strategy?

The complaint: relief or strategy?

We often reiterate the need to express ourselves, to complain, to vent our emotions and feelings as an essential requirement to relieve the pressing pressure of our unconscious. Now, are all complaints the same? Or are there "necessary" complaints to free ourselves but, conversely, are there also complaints that only help perpetuate our problems? We call this second type neurotic complaints.

Neurotic complaint is another trap of our unconscious. Despite its appearance, it is not intended to sincerely find solutions, but only to draw the attention of the subject, give importance, "steal" secretly crumbs of affection from others. And all this without any real effort from the person to improve. So the neurotic complaint is always a repetitive, endless, even overwhelming trick ... The "complainer" never tires of regretting, even when their problems are, in fact, insignificant.

We all know those people who, at the slightest carelessness and without hardly asking them, are already explaining to you in detail their long history of "misfortunes" in life, marriage, work, health, etc. Even if you trust them with something, don't hesitate: their pain will always be greater than yours. They need to feel protagonists even in misery. But if you give them effective help in any way, then they hastily reject it with any excuse. Everything is fundamentally an unconscious strategy. A neurotic lie.

Unlike the neurotic complaint, which is permanent, the "healing" complaint is a temporary and indispensable form of expression for maturation. Any good therapist should favor it without, however, allowing it to become a "vice" that prevents progress. Thus, as the individual's complaints find genuine listening and understanding, they lose strength. They stop repeating themselves. Processes of acceptance and serenity begin spontaneously ... The old "old" problems begin to bore the subject himself! And then he begins to live differently: venting his discomforts as they arise, but also enjoying his joys as he finds them.

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